American Individualism and the Prestige of Marriage

In his book, The Marriage-Go-Round, Andrew Cherlin discusses the state of marriage and the family in America today. Part of his examination revolves around the contradictory nature of America’s prestigious views of marriage and the strong cultural emphasis on individualism. These two strong views are contradictory in nature. While marriage is a value for the family, the individualism of American Culture makes it difficult to place sufficient focus on the family. Americans’ attempts at balancing those two cultural poles are what Cherlin finds so interesting. The values of family and individualism are two distinct and string values, but in America, they find themselves being entwined.

One way in which Andrew Cherlin sees this is marriage as a capstone. He notes that 90 percent of people in America do get married, despite its differences from the traditional. He comments that “at a time of great public concern about the supposed decline of marriage, it’s remarkably high.” This is a very interesting point. There does seem to be a societal idea that marriage is on a decline, but then why are so many people still getting married? I will say that the nearly 50 percent divorce rate is alarming and detrimental to marriage as an institution, but why are the marriage rates still so high? Cherlin believes that it is due to a mixture of American individualism and the prestige of marriage. He writes that “the rewards of marriage are more individualized now. Being married is less of a social role and more of an individual achievement – a symbol of successful self-development.”

More and more often people want to get ready for marriage, as if it is an end (or goal) of living and not a means of living. One indicator of this for Cherlin is economic stability. At one point in time, American marriage was structured as a provider-caregiver model, in which one would financially support the family, thus leaving the other free to perform duties necessary for a household. However now, Cherline writes, “couples are deferring until they have a firm economic base,” before they get married. Cherlin cites some research to back this up, namely a 2002 Toledo study of in-depth interviews. The research found that “many of them [the interviewees] did not want to marry until they had an economic package in place that often included homeownership, being out of debt, and having a stable, adequate family income.” This is strange, again because of the traditional provider-caregiver model, which was a means for financial stability. One person secured the finances while the other secured the household. But now it seems that individuals want to secure themselves on their own, or feel as if they must do so as a pre-requisite before getting married. I would think that more people would see marriage as means for achieving this financial stability, especially with the dual incomes that many modern American families now have. But rather, many people see marriage as an end of financial stability, a marker of success for their individual lives.

Another way in which Cherlin identifies the prestige of marriage in American culture is in the wedding ceremony. Traditionally, the respective parents of the Bride and the Groom would pay for the ceremony costs and the reception costs respectively. But now, more and more individuals opt to provide for their own wedding ceremony. This many because as people get married older and older and delay the age at which they get married, their parents are less and less involved in their personal lives. At that point in time, the individuals are also able to better support themselves, especially financially. But as a manner of prestige, Cherlin writes that “Through wedding ceremonies, individuals hoped to display their attainment of prestigious, comfortable, stable style of life.” This seems more like a retirement plan, as people fear to die alone, but it is interesting to note the way in which the view point of marriage has changed, from a means to an end.